Getting Over a Fear of Commitment

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Do you struggle with commitment? If you do, don’t worry, you are not alone. There are many reasons why we fear commitment. I personally fall into that category, and have been making strides over the last few years to understand why I have this fear in the first place, and how I can get rid of it in order to be able to build the relationships I have always wanted.

If you’re anything like me, chances are you struggle to commit on multiple fronts and it’s quite possible you over-commit in some areas to justify your non-committal in other areas.

I have two jobs and find that committing to them is quite easy, but last month when looking for a gift for my nephew’s birthday I had the hardest time choosing. I asked my sister to make the choice and she refused as it was a gift from my heart. She did narrow it down to two choices. Both of which were toddler presents from personal Creations. One site, two options… I found myself struggling to pick one, and then I realized what was happening. I was refusing to commit.

What is it that puts you in this category? A string of bad decisions, relationships that failed, or was it something else entirely? I have realized that, for me, it started before I could even consciously realize it was a problem. I come from a background that includes multiple divorces and parents who made one bad decision after another.

Somewhere along the way I learned that by not making decisions, it was impossible to make the wrong one. Well as an adult I realize exactly how ridiculous that thought is. But it wasn’t until I lost many things by not acting, that I began to reflect on my choices (or lack thereof) and started to make a change.

This is a daily struggle and if you find yourself throwing away relationships before they have a chance to begin, you may be dealing with a similar fear. Think about the reasons you are ending these potential relationships. Is it because they really aren’t a good fit? Or, is it because you are afraid that it is?

Think about your last three attempts. What went wrong? Was it superficial? Or did you just get a little bit scared? Maybe, it wasn’t the right fit…but if you are of the non-committal type, chances are you didn’t stick around long enough to figure that out.

When it comes to finding love, or a lasting relationship, even the most cynical of people want to find the one that will stay around for the long haul. No one wants to face death alone, and this may be the best reason to let go of your fears and find a new way.

There are so many great things that come with finding someone to share your life with. But if you don’t let go, you may never know. The first and most important step is acknowledgement. Once you have made the choice to admit, then it’s time to make daily changes to reflect who you want to be.

Whether you are currently seeing someone or are hoping to meet someone, it is important to step out of your comfort zone. For example, if you are in a situation that you would like to become exclusive, but saying it out loud makes you want to vomit. Well, you won’t get it if you don’t speak up. Or if you pass a woman every day that makes your heart sink, but don’t ask her out because you believe “relationships don’t work anyway,” well you need to go for it someone else will.

Bottom line, when it comes to changing anything, you have to do things you have never done. Step outside of your comfort zone and make decisions. The wrong one is better than none at all.

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