Posted on Sep 21, 2007 | Comments 1
If you want to increase your self-confidence you need to know and live by your own values and belief system.
People who lack self-confidence seem to take on the beliefs of those around them, agreeing with people.
They may be afraid to show their true selves for fear of rejection.
They may be afraid that others will not approve of them or their views and are therefore not willing to say what they really think.
Instead they go along with the crowd so they feel as though they fit in better.
In reality, if you donâ€™t show your views, beliefs and your own values, you arenâ€™t letting people see the real you.
You are hiding behind a faÃ§ade that few, if any, people can penetrate. In order to be able to show your views you need to understand your own values and belief system.
How to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings about major issues?
Take some time to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings about major issues. One way to do this is through journaling.
- Journaling allows you to write down your own thoughts and feelings every day.
- The more often you journal the better you will be able to come to know yourself.
- Try journaling every evening before going to bed. You can write about anything that happened that day.
- You can then go back to your journal later to learn more about yourself. With todayâ€™s hectic lifestyle itâ€™s hard to spend time evaluating yourself. Your journal can help you uncover things about yourself that can help improve your self-confidence.
Everyone has his or her own belief system. Often families share similar values but even people who are related to one another may have slightly different beliefs. Make sure that you arenâ€™t just like a chameleon, taking on the values or beliefs of those around you.
Everyone has certain things they feel they should do or certain ways they feel they should act.
These ideas started when you were young. Often, your parents told you what you should and should not do. As an adult you may feel guilt when you ignore or dismiss one of the things you think you should do.
Affect of â€œshouldsâ€ on your self confidence:
- They are rules you are trying to follow that may actually be unhealthy for you.
- â€œShouldsâ€ demand you to act in ways that may be impossible. You may be living with childhood shoulds. These are ideas that may have served you well as a child but need to be revised or gotten rid of entirely.
How do you know what your â€˜shouldsâ€™ are and how they serve you? Make a list of all the things you tell yourself you should do.
Some of the things we have always told ourselves to believe may not be healthy for us. We canâ€™t be all things to all people.
Healthy values are those that are flexible. There are no such things as rigid rules. Our values have to be able to reflect the unique circumstances that happen all the time.
Affect of healthy values:
Healthy values are truly believed, not just forced upon us. When our parents tell us to feel in a certain way, it didnâ€™t make us automatically to feel. In order for values to be healthy we need to take them as our own. The values also need to be realistic.
If you have unrealistic values you will never be able to attain them, thus setting yourself up for failure every time. Healthy values help enhance your life, not cause you undue stress [Managing Stress] or put restrictions on you. You need to be able to be free to follow your true self, wherever that may lead you.
Values and beliefs that are too near-sighted restrict you from reaching out of your small comfort zone. While staying in your comfort zone may feel good, it will not let you become your full self.
Fear keeps us from straying from our comfort zone and keeping unhealthy values and beliefs gives us an excuse for staying frozen.
Understand that everyone has different values and belief systems. Donâ€™t be afraid that people wonâ€™t like you if they know what your beliefs are. You need to be true to yourself.
Finding your authentic self takes time and diligence, but when you are true to yourself you feel good about yourself. You can stand up for what you believe in, even if others donâ€™t see things the same as you do.
Your friends and family will love you for who you are. True friends will stay with you because they know the real you. They may not agree with everything you say but they will respect you for having the ability to stand up for yourself and state your beliefs.
Belief systems are made as a response to basic needs. Your first beliefs were formed in response to your parents. The need for love and approval generated beliefs that were the same as your parents.
You also look to your peers for acceptance and take on many of the same beliefs as a way to fit in. Also, you may desire to fit into a certain group because of their beliefs.
All this is done rather subconsciously. Your need for physical and emotional well being also helps from beliefs.
How to get rid of your “shoulds”?
“Shoulds” are things that you tell yourself you should do. This list of things has accumulated throughout your life. “Shoulds” have come from many sources including your parents and yourself.
Many â€œshouldsâ€ can be eliminated from your list. These are giving you undue guilt and negative self-talk. Getting rid of them will help boost your self-confidence level.
- Make a list of everything you can think of that is on your internal “should” list. Think about all the aspects of your life and write everything down.
- Evaluate each item on the list. For each item, think about why it is on the list. How did it get there? Is it still valid? Is it doing any good for you or is it actually causing negativity?
- Make a new list of “shoulds” that you can eliminate. Write down specific ways you can stop them. When you recognize a “should” come into play you will need to counter it with positive inner talk to remind yourself not to listen to that “should.”
Posted in: Self Confidence