Posted on Aug 10, 2006 | Comments 0
“Honesty is the best policy,” this, we teach our children. This applies to how we handle our children as far as it does expecting them to be sincere with us. When it concerns your child’s self-esteem, he or she will understand or be able to feel if you are not being truthful.
For example, don’t say that his or her drawing is the best you’ve ever seen, if art is not your child’s top skill. Your child will know it’s not, and will not accept you the next time you say something intended to be positive, no matter how honest it is.
Rather than, tell your child something authentic about the piece or the effort. Make non-judgmental statements like, “In making the flowers many different colors, you really used your imagination.” This simply states your observation, instead of a false statement.
In order to help develop your childâ€™s self-confidence, these are, of course, only a few things you can do. The significant thing to remember is that it is a continuing process. The little things do combine, even if they seem insignificant.
This can be helpful to keep in mind, especially when something as vital as developing your child’s self esteem feels like an immense task. It doesn’t have to be! Taking time to be familiar with your child for the wonderful person he or she is, combined with consistency and a few techniques will go a long way in the direction of raising a healthy, self-assured adult.
Let your child make some decisions
Let your child make some decisions. Children are in circumstances where everyone else is constantly telling them what to do, when to do it, where to go et cetera. When children are allowed to make some choices, even if it’s something small, they learn to be independent.
You don’t want your children growing up feeling dependent on others for direction. Simple choices such as choosing a special lunch item or what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) will foster your child’s being able to think separately.
Encourage children to go for new things
In order to try for new things, encourage your children. While there’s nothing wrong with cheering your child’s talents–this will help build self-confidence also–it’s also essential that your children be taught to experiment.
Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown and helps us learn to cope with success and failure. If children are experienced at trying new things, even if small, life’s bigger transitions will be much easier–such as leaving for college and starting a career.
It can create problems later in life, if a child never learns to try new things. Finally, most people do not survive in world where everything is the same day after day. Whether it’s a move to a new city or starting a new career, life is constantly changing.
However, understand that your child and your child’s behavior are two independent things. This can be very hard to remember, especially when your child is performing in ways that make you passionate or that are insecure.
However, when you discipline your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and promote self-esteem. Using “I” statements helps with this. Say something like, â€œwhen you leave your toys scattered all over the floor I don’t like it,” which also addresses the behavior, instead of, “You are a slob,” which attacks their character. Why? If your child feels that, you are mad, because of whom he or she is as a person, rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect your child’s self-esteem.
Raising a self-confident child is one of those things that all parents want to make available for their children and many feel they do not know how to do. So how do you promote this “thing” in your children? Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a delicate, remote thing that we all know what it is but don’t know how to develop. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It comprises everything from your self-assurance in relationships, to your body image, to your work life.