Posted on Sep 11, 2007 | Comments 0
Parents are the most important and influential people in childrenâ€™s lives. They are the basis for developing self confidence in their children.
Children get many things from their parents, including ways of dealing with issues and how they feel about themselves.
As you have learned, we carry around messages about our self-esteem from childhood into adulthood.
These messages become habits and are programmed into us throughout the years. But childhood is where we learn these negative ideas. Many of the struggles and fears you have today have their roots in your childhood.
Parentâ€™s role in developing self confidence in their children:
- We know how important developing self confidence in children is, and it is your job as a parent to teach children to have self confidence.
- Children need and want your approval more than anything else. Thatâ€™s why you have so much influence over your children and can help shape them into adults. Remember what you wanted and needed from your own parents.
- Acceptance of your children is probably one of the single most important things you can do for your children. To fully accept them you need to understand that they are their own person with thoughts and values that may be different than yours. Remember what you learned about acceptance and apply this to your children. You need to see them for who they are and not have unrealistic expectations for them. Know that you will accept them for who they are.
- Appreciate your children, and treat them as you would want to be treated. Guide them without tearing down their egos.
Developing self confidence starts when they are babies. Babies have a small world. Their parents are the only world they know and they get all their needs filled by them.
Holding your baby makes him feel safe and loved. Responding to his cries are the first steps to teaching self-esteem. Babies learn their worth by seeing how their parents treat them.
As children get older, they will also get other influences in their lives such as teachers, caregivers and friends. Parents and others are role models that children emulate much more then you can imagine. Practice acceptance of yourself and your children will learn to do the same.
It may be hard to see your children as they really are. Your vision of them is clouded by your love for them, as well as by your own fears and hopes. Once you can accurately see your children you are helping build their self-confidence.
You will understand them better and know what drives their behaviors. You can then see their talents and ideas and nurture them. Knowing the reasons for behaviors will help you focus on changing anything that needs adjustment, such as harmful behaviors.
How to strengthen childrenâ€™s attitude?
Support positive qualities:
- Reinforce positive qualities in your children. If they have special talents, skills or interests, these are areas you can focus on.
- Every time that you reinforce a behavior you increase the chances that they will behave that way again.
- Reinforcing positive qualities increases the childâ€™s self-confidence and worth.
Support positive behavior:
- Reinforce positive behaviors by using praise, rewards or recognition. Children often respond best to these three types of reinforcements.
- Make sure to find reasons to praise your children.
- Take notice of special talents and skills and let them know you are aware of it.
- If your child has made artwork or was awarded a trophy, display them proudly.
- Provide opportunities for your child to shine. Then give praise when they do.
- Continually find new things to praise your children about.
Deal poor behavior:
- Of course, children also demonstrate some negative behaviors. The key to dealing with poor behavior is to understand why the child is behaving as they are.
- The priority of children is to meet their needs. If they are not getting a particular need met they may act out in an attempt to get it.
Think about the negative behavior and try to find ways the children can express themselves in a more positive way.
Deal difficult situations:
- When faced with difficult situations with your children, try to reinforce the positives.
Give your children choices whenever possible. That way, the children feel they have some say-so in the situation.
Listening to your children:
- Listening to your children is an important part of showing them self-confidence. When you listen to your kids they feel important.
- When you listen to your children give them your full attention, and get rid of any distractions – make your child the center of attention for that time.
- If the time is too hectic, suggest a better time that the two of you can talk so you can really listen.
- Practice active listening skills.
- Repeat and re-phrase what they say so you have a full understanding.
- Make eye contact and show genuine interest.
- Ask questions so she knows you are listening and that you care.
Show empathy. Help your children to include feelings in their stories.
Support your children in all ways:
- Make sure that you are your childâ€™s biggest supporter.
- If they are having trouble with a teacher, or another child, help them deal with the situation calmly.
- Donâ€™t always take the other personâ€™s side; you need to be on your childâ€™s side.
Let them know that you will always be there to help them through any rough times.
Tips for helping children gain confidence:
Donâ€™t just tell kids they should be independent. You need to give them the skills necessary for them to function in the world alone.
These skills start small, such as tying their shoes or dressing themselves, and grow as the child grows, such as teaching them to cook or sew. Praise the child when they try something new. They donâ€™t need to be perfect at it, so donâ€™t hold out praise for perfection.
Keep track of their progress
You keep track of your childâ€™s physical growth but you should also help them see where they are growing mentally. Tell them how much more capable and skillful they are becoming. If they have a particular skill they have just learned, be sure to make it important.
Encourage new experiences
Help your children overcome fear of new situations by explaining what to expect. When trying new activities, tell them how to do it and give them some guidelines. Let them help you with activities that can be used as learning experiences. Praise your child after they try something new.
Some children learn faster than others. When your children try new activities, try not to put time constraints on them. Everyone learns at their own speed and in their own way. If you become impatient and yell, chances are the child will avoid that activity in the future.
Teach by example
Donâ€™t just tell your child about something, demonstrate it. Whenever possible try to show your child what you are trying to teach them. Some kids learn best by watching another person do the activity first, then emulating it.
Take time for your kids
Everyone has a busy lifestyle but you need to carve out some special time to spend with your children. Kids thrive on routines and function best when a routine is in place. Try to keep things on a schedule whenever possible.
Helping Children Succeed in School:
Children learn a lot at school. Not only do they learn the basic subjects – reading, writing, math, social studies, etc – but they learn important life skills and lessons as well.
They deal with other people every day and are learning important socialization skills. Pay particular attention to what your child tells you about others. If they have trouble socializing itâ€™s best to catch it early before it erodes the childâ€™s self-confidence.
If the child is getting bullied at school, get involved. This is one area that your child may be totally unfamiliar with dealing with. Explain to your child that a bullyâ€™s behavior is not a reflection of them. [Tips to Deal with Child Bully Behavior]
Bully behavior at school should be brought to the attention of the educators and is not to be tolerated. Step in to help your child as soon as you can to prevent them from getting negative thoughts about themselves.
Children learn other important lessons at school, such as time-management skills, organizational skills and communication skills. They learn through trial and error how to navigate their world.
Many of these skills are things that can only be learned through doing. Help your child continue these skills at home.
Keep open communication with your childâ€™s teachers. They are with your children many hours each day and can help provide support in case of any problems. Alert your childâ€™s teacher to any potential issues before they arise.
For instance, if you and your spouse are going through a divorce, let the teacher know. They will help the child at school and will understand if the child demonstrates a new or different behavior.
If your child is having a particular problem and it is beyond your ability to help, donâ€™t hesitate to take him or her to a professional. Schools have psychologists on staff to help children through rough patches. Team with your child and the professional to come up with strategies that are custom-tailored to your child.
Boosting self confidence in your children:
- One great way to help children boost their self-confidence is by giving them household tasks to complete. Even the youngest of children can be given a chore.
- Completing chores helps children feel useful and a part of the family. It really helps get their confidence up.
- Make sure you assign age-appropriate chores so they can get them done. The idea is not so much to have the chores completed 100% perfectly, but to use the chores as confidence boosters.
- You can make the chart and decide on the chores as a family project if you want to. Kids love to be able to give input and this will also help them to feel needed.
For this exercise, make a chore chart. A magnetic calendar works nicely so you can stick it on the refrigerator where everyone can see it. Include each childâ€™s name, and list weekly chores along the side.
Once a chore is complete, mark it off. You can set up a reward system. If all the children complete their chores the family will go out for ice cream on Saturday, or any reward you want. Be sure to also give praise when a child completes his or her chores.