Someone has wronged you. Maybe the love of your life has been unfaithful, maybe one of your parents betrayed you and maybe your sibling said some very hurtful things to you.
Depending on how fresh the wounds are, forgiveness is most likely the farthest thing from your mind. However forgiveness isnâ€™t necessarily about them.
In fact forgiveness is rarely about the other person. Forgiving someone for something they did or said to you that devastated and hurt you actually only helps you in the end.
Sure, notifying them they have been forgiven kind of gives them a â€˜get out of jail freeâ€™ care but you are the better person in the end.
And actually we need to remember that forgiving someone does not mean we are letting them â€˜off the hookâ€™ in fact forgiveness is something we do for ourselves.
Forgiveness is an act that really isnâ€™t meant to make the other person feel better in fact it has nothing to do with the other person in that respect. Forgiveness comes from within.
Forgiving someone also doesnâ€™t mean you are saying â€˜what you did was ok and I condone what you didâ€™ nor does forgiving someone say to them â€˜I will tolerate this kind of behavior from you in the futureâ€™.
Forgiveness, like love, is unconditional. True forgiveness, the kind that is beneficial to our heart when we forgive someone, does not come with conditional â€˜ifsâ€™ or â€˜butsâ€™.
Forgiveness is about healing us and our wounds. Forgiveness is like putting antibiotic ointment and a band-aid on our wound and then when it is healed, exposing that part of our self to the offender again. If they hurt us again, we do not let them be a part of our life, we use our antibiotic ointment again and bandage the wound.
Oftentimes when someone wrongs us we need to think that we have no idea what it is like in their shoes and we have no idea what they are going through.
In doing this we are not excusing their behavior by any means but we are opening our hearts to the fact that in order to hurt someone like they have they certainly must be going through something painful themselves.
And finally, forgiveness brings peace. Peace brings about forgiveness. You cannot have one without the other and can you imagine anything better than living a life of peace?