Posted on May 24, 2010 | Comments 0
Something is better than nothing, right? Well yes, but not when it comes to relationships. When it is relationships you are talking about, second best could actually be worse than having no relationship; in terms of the problems such a relationship may be inviting. The reasons for not â€œsettling for second bestâ€ abound:
It isnâ€™t fair to you: If you are settling for someone who is not your first choice, you are, in a sense selling yourself short. You are perhaps telling yourself that you are not good enough to go for what you really desire; that you may not really be desirable enough to attract what you really want for yourself.
It could be that you are veering towards the undesirable man because you mistakenly believe yourself to be undesirable. Inevitably, this would be a situation most unfair to you. It keeps you from achieving the full potential of a relationship and keeps you from being as happy as you could be.
It isnâ€™t fair to the other person: In time you may grow to resent the person you are with if they were a second choice or a fill in for the real thing, so to speak. Such resentment can, in time turn to contempt and even hatred.
If you are just hedging your bets here, you are likely ruining two lives here!Â Also if you have made a mistaken choice based on your fear of loneliness and a reluctance to be single, then it is unfair on that other person, because you have also stifled their chance of a truly fulfilling relationship.
It can make you bitter: When you settle for second best, it may become difficult for you to countenance the true happiness of other people. When you see a friendâ€™s relationship for instance, that is based on passion, shared interests, humor and a joy in one another; you may find your own relationship lacking. This will make you bitter; it will also negatively impact your relationship with that friend of yours.
A bad relationship may make you cynical and negative about others as well. You could even inadvertently find yourself pouring scorn on someone else and their chance at happiness.
So really settling for second best is not only dangerous because you arenâ€™t being true to yourself; it can lead to a lot of discontent, unhappiness and pain. It can negatively impact not just you and the person you are in a relationship with; it can also have a detrimental impact on those around you.
Posted in: Love & Relationships