The seemingly picture perfect relationships you see around you: on TV, movies even around in your family or friend circle are all imperfect. They all have their ups and downs. It’s true, some relationships seem to be rather rockier than others; but have you thought of it… could it be that the seemingly stronger relationships are merely those that the partners are working harder at maintaining?
Here are some simple tips that could help you deal with the ups and downs of a relationship:
1. Anticipate that the honeymoon phase will end
When you first fall in love, things can appear perfect and relationship can take on a positively rosy hue. Those halcyon days will pass however, and the relationship may well be tested by the intrusive reality of finances, everyday chores, work pressures which you should realistically be prepared for.
2. Don’t expect the person to change fundamentally
It could be that your partner’s scatty nature, which you earlier found endearing could now drive you round the bend. Think back and recall what it is about your partner that you found soalluring and ask yourself if you can reasonably expect a person to fundamentally change for your sake. Remember, a person’s willingness to change is not a measure of their love for you. If you think something along these lines: If he loved me enough he would change for me you would be being unreasonable.
3. Accept that it is OK to lose
Firstly try having a discussion rather than an argument. If the ‘discussion’ does degenerate into an argument, remember ‘winning’ is not important, nor is having the last word. An amicable resolution where both individuals try and meet the other half (in cases more than half way, but who’s measuring) should be the aim. This calls for maturity and even wisdom, qualities that most of us have to work at achieving. A sense of humor a bit of detachment from the issue can also help.
4. Find the time to be together, to be intimate
Being with one another, doing things together and being intimate without extraneous intrusions are crucially important to a relationship. Prioritize this and find the time. Remember this is your dearest friend, your lover, and a person of central importance in your life – finding time for them should be a top priority.
It may be a cliché but communication is the key to a successful relationship. Try not to have secrets from each other; they can damage a relationship. If there is a problem, discuss it rather than sulk or go off in a huff.
6. Develop emotional resilience
Just because you are in an intimate relationship doesn’t mean you lose your sense of self or become an emotional vine, dependent upon the other person for survival. You should be able to give as much as you take from a relationship and be self reliant as much as you are co-dependent. In other words don’t crowd your significant other, and develop a sense of when he or she seems to need space.