Posted on Sep 14, 2007 | Comments 0
Several self improvement goals seem to focus on one relationship or another: I want to improve my relationship with my mom for having conversation without yelling.
I want to improve my relationship with my spouse for sleeping in the same bed by this time next week.
Self improvement goals involving relationship are common because so much of our lives revolve around the significant persons in our lives, our parents, our spouses, our kids, or our boss.
It is normal to have conflict in relationships. Many of us do not know how to resolve relationship conflicts safely and without causing harm to ourselves or the other person.
Questions to Ask Yourself
One of the first things you should ask yourself when you desire to improve any kind of relationship is:
1. What do I want this relationship to be? The answer should be as specific as possible.
Answer: I want to be able to have a conversation with my mom without either of us yelling.
Answer: I want my husband, and I to have a satisfying sexual relationship.
If you really want this relationship is the next thing you need to ask yourself and if yes, is it because the relationship has value?
2. Do I want this relationship with my husband to continue and if yes, what value am I getting out of this relationship?
Answer: Yes, I want to continue having a personal relationship with my mom. I value sharing our mutual love of cooking, and I value the good memories of my childhood with her.
Answer: Yes, I want to continue being married to my husband. The value I want is financial support and a great sex life out of my marriage with Ted.
The next thing that you need to find out is if you are willing to invest time and energy into this relationship.
The answer is a simple yes or no to both the time and energy.
You know that improving the relationship is a worthy goal if you have answered yes to all the questions. The next step is to write down your relationship goal and be as specific as possible. Remember that the relationship goals should be simple, attainable and specific.
Examples goals may be:
I want to have an entire conversation with my mom that lasts at least 10 minutes without any yelling from her or myself; before October 10, 2007.
I want to be sleeping in the same bed with my husband by October 14, 2007.
You need to construct a plan that details how you are going to achieve your goal once you have a written goal. The plan give exact information about how, what, when, where and who if applicable.
It is completely up to you to share your goal and plan with the other person involved in your relationship.
An intimate relationship would be more successful if the goal is shared. It is not necessary to share your goals with a relationship that is family but not of an intimate nature such as mom, dad, and sister.
It quite natural that you may ask yourself if sharing your goal and plan with the other person will benefit a positive outcome, or would the other person be upset with you for mentioning the problem and maybe creating a negative influence rather than positive influence.
You may also consider sharing your goal/plan with someone outside of the relationship, particularly if doing so will result in positive support and encouragement. Now it is time to take action and follow your plan.