Posted on Mar 30, 2009 | Comments 0
You might feel that you are overwhelmed by the number of people who want your time.
Or maybe you feel that you just canâ€™t find the right guy/girl/friend/client/boss.
You might be afraid of becoming a social hermit. To avoid this, you jump head first into the relationship pool without your inner lifeguard. Repeat after me.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Life is short. Relationships take time to maintain and build. Any time that you spend on one relationship is time taken away from other relationships.
Why waste time on relationships that bring you unhappiness when you can spend time on relationships that bring you happiness? [unhealthy relationship]
You can find wonderful people who want to be with you. You can find people with the same interests and beliefs as you. If you exist, thereâ€™s a chance that there are others like you that exist as well.
Rule 1: Know thyself
This might sound obvious, but you cannot get what you want unless you know what you want. But more importantly, you should know what other people might be able to get out of you.
This is not a transaction, but you should be aware of what others will likely come to love about you.
Are you adventurous? Are you caring? Most importantly, how much time do you think you will be able to give your relationship? Quiz yourself. Know your faults.
If you have had any difficulties in your past relationships such as flightiness, argumentativeness or forgetfulness, these faults will have to be dealt with in the relationship.
You might be able to find someone who will be willing to work with you on your faults, but your relationship will likely have fewer bumps if you work on these issues before seeking a new relationship.
Do not enter a relationship hoping that the relationship will solve your problems.
Rule 2: Know your playing field
If you have a good idea of the type of person that you would like to end up with, try to figure out social places that this type of person would likely go. If youâ€™re looking for an adventurous person willing to try new things, join unusual clubs and other groups.
Many intellectuals complain that they cannot meet other intellectuals to date. Try heading over to libraries, book stores, book signings and conferences.
When trying to meet someone, do not use pickup lines. Instead, talk about the shared interest. If youâ€™re at a book store and someone is looking through a book section that you commonly frequent, talk about the books.
If this is the person youâ€™re looking for, youâ€™re almost guaranteed to get into a good conversation unless the individual is very bashful or short on time.
Cast out a wide net, but make sure that you cast your net in the right places. Talk with many people in a respectful way until you find someone that you connect with. [Conversation skills]
Rule 3: Know thy new acquaintance
This is the most important part. When talking to this new acquaintance, focus half your time on what youâ€™re saying and the other half on what your new acquaintance is saying.
Remember that you are not just trying to make a lasting impression but also find out if this person impresses you. Pay attention to how this person treats you in your first encounter.
Look for any behavioral cues that might set off red flags. If the person appears honest and genuinely responsive to what you say, you might be able to let your guard down. But if the person shows a lack of interest, you are likely wasting your time.
If the person feigns interest but shows signs of not paying attention to what you are saying, this person might simply be polite. Otherwise, this person might even be planning on manipulating you.
Most importantly, be patient. You are better off waiting than you are getting stuck in a relationship that will burn both you and your time.