Posted on Feb 25, 2007 | Comments 0
Listen to How You Talk
Most probably you and your spouse have settled into a pattern of speaking to each other while working on your relationship.
It might be with short, blunt answers, heavy sighs as though bothered, or with negative remarks.
Focus on to not only the words you speak, but also the tone in which you speak.
Be positive, cheery, and respond in a way that will confirm to your spouse that you are listening and truly interested â€“ that you have time to listen and communicate.
Moreover, add terms of endearment into your conversation. Rather than â€œGood morning,â€ try, â€œHi honey, good morning!â€
A huge part of a successful relationship is intimacy. Choose a book from the bookstore and try to bring a little excitement into your relationship.
Do not be afraid to experiment and learn new and exciting ways to please each other. Keeping intimacy alive is healthy and not a bad thing whatsoever!
Turn the Computer Off
Most of the time, computer becomes a replacement for a lack of something in the relationship. It might be just playing games, surfing, or getting involved with pornographic websites.
If you notice that your spouse is spending more and more time on the computer, take this as a sign that even if not doing anything wrong, they are choosing to spend the time with the computer instead of you.
In other words, use this as a sign that something is missing in your relationship. Start by talking and searching to confirm what it is bothering your spouse and then work on making it better.
Keep some tradition in your marriage, which relates to the vows you took and the truth that marriage is sacred.
Treat each anniversary as a celebration of your love and the time spent together. Follow the traditional anniversary gifts and see how creative you can be.
Paper is the gift for first year anniversary. One husband bought his wife a beautiful Chinese drawing on rice paper, signed by the artist, and had it framed for her. Make this fun, exciting, and keep traditions alive.
Control Your Anger
Every relationship has problems, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments. Keep your anger in check for the sake of your relationship and the love you have for your spouse.
First, when people are angry, hurtful words fly, generally not even meant. However, after spoken, it is too late to take them back â€“ the damage is done.
Another biggest problem of anger is that the word â€œdivorceâ€ can easily be thrown around. You may not mean it, but you know it hurts, thus making you the winner of the argument.
Never talk about divorce in your relationship, even if it is just for teasing. If you need to go to another room to cool off, and then do that, but whatever you do, do not allow your anger to take control of your relationship.
Finance is one of the main reasons other than fidelity that marriages fall apart. When couples are struggling with money problems, tempers flare, frustration builds, drinking may start, and it is an all-around unhealthy situation.
The minute there are any signs of financial troubles, the two of you need to immediately sit down and figure out a plan on how to deal with the problem.
If required, go to see a financial consultant or a credit counseling service to help you get back on track. Do not allow your finances to get out of line or your relationship will definitely suffer.
I Forgive You
If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through. When your spouse has done something that requires you to forgive, you have to forgive, really forgive.
Once you have worked through the issue either together or with professional counseling, and you tell them that you forgive them, you can never hold that over them again.
As an instance, if your spouse has had an affair and the two of you decide to work it out instead of throwing the relationship away, once the troubles are resolved and the forgiveness is said, it is done.
This means that you cannot follow your spouse to make sure they are where they said they would be, call or page them throughout the day, frequently ask for reaffirmation of your relationship, it means that you forgive and put the past behind you and then move on in a new, strong, and healthy relationship. It will not be easy, but you can do it with the right help, attitude, and commitment.
However, it is normal to have disagreements and sometimes when controlled, healthy for relationships, the place and degree of discussion are significant. Keep your disagreements private.
Breaking into argument while being at a party or anywhere around family or friends, is a great way to break down a relationship.
This not only causes embarrassment for your spouse, but also puts a negative light on both of you from the people witnessing the fight. If you are in public and think you need to argue, at least find a quiet corner or separate room where you can discuss whatever it is troubling you.
Strong Family Ties
In a relationship, along with you, the family of your spouse is also involved with the love of your life. It is significant to build a strong, healthy relationship with the families too.
Even if you do not see them often, having a good connection with your spouseâ€™s family will make life for everyone much better all the way around.
If you know of another couple from work or your church that has been married for many years and continued to have a strong relationship, ask them if they would mentor you.
A great way to learn how to have a good relationship for you is being around positive influences and watching someone who leads by example.