Posted on Feb 28, 2007 | Comments 1
Open Your Eyes
Do not drive yourself crazy with this, but take notice of how your relationship is going.
Open your eyes and take stock of what is and is not working in your relationship.
Are there specific things missing or specific problem areas that need to be worked on?
Think about it. If you invest in the stock market, you pay attention to what is going on so you can make changes if necessary. Your relationship is far more than the stock market but requires some of the same strategies.
No Place for Abuse
There is never a suitable time for abuse, whether physical, emotional, or verbal in spite of how much you love your spouse and believe in who they are. If your spouse shows aggression or any form of abuse toward you, seek counseling for both of you immediately to try to work through things.
If your spouse refuses to go, even if it is hard, leave. First is your safety. Second, it is possible for people to learn methods in which to manage their aggressions. If this is the case, the life of the relationship has a much better chance of surviving!
Start a Journal
Start a journal about your personal feelings and discoveries of your spouse. This will help to keep in mind what special things he or she likes or dislikes, track the wonderful times spent together, and help you to feel better when you hit an obstacle in your relationship.
When things get a little tough, refer to your journal and read through all the terrific emotions and time together and you will find plenty of reasons to make things right again.
The Grass is NOT Greener!
Most often, people get tired of working on the relationship they are at present in and feel that they will find greener pastures by moving on to another person.
This is just not the case. What happens is when you move to another person, things are fresh, new, and exciting just as they were in the beginning of your current relationship.
After sometime, that relationship will also start experiencing differences and bumps in the road. Unless you are being abused or your spouse is doing something illegal or totally irresponsible, possibly the efforts you would put into starting a new relationship would be better spent fixing the one you have.
Cut out the Excuses
People who have an excuse for everything are a major turn-off in many situations, not only relationships. Forget that. Do not make excuses in fear of your spouse not liking, loving, or respecting you.
Be yourself and just admit it if you messed up with something. Say you had promised to make dinner, got home exhausted, and just did not feel like making it, do not tell your spouse, â€œI had to work overtime.â€
Be honest and say, â€œYou know, I got home after a busy day and I was too tired. What sounds better, Chinese or Pizza?â€ This has taken you out of the circumstances of lying and reconfirmed your honest nature to your spouse.
Keep in mind that relationships are give and take situations, not competition between two people who love each other. There will be times when your spouse is right and times when you are right.
When you feel the conversation getting a little on the edgy side with each of you trying to hold ground, do not forget that there can be many ways to achieve the same task.
The result is that each of you might learn something new from the other person. Put your heads together and do what makes the most sense instead of battling for ownership of the solution.
Learn to be Successful
Many couples are starting to go to counseling or relationship/marriage classes much earlier in their relationship rather than waiting until after the marriage is in problem. This is a great alternative for learning how to have a healthy, lasting relationship and develop open communication.
Statistics show that couples that spend time in church together generally have strong relationships. It is important to bring spirituality into your relationship. Allow the love of God to be your ultimate guide and spend time having devotions together at night.
If you are just starting out dating, religious preference may not seem like a big deal at first, but soon into the relationship, it can be a big trouble spot. Make time for God in your life and consider dating someone who shares the same faith!
Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men. This is a natural part of life and while they may have some buddies from high school or college that they see on occasion, hardly ever do they set particular time aside just for friends.
Men and women both require an outlet outside of the relationship where they can just â€œlet their guard downâ€ and have some fun with the same gender. As your spouse makes new friendships, encourage that growth and show 100% support!
Work and Home Do Not Mingle
How many times have you heard this? It is true. While sharing experiences about your day with your spouse is perfectly normal, living your work at home is not.
If you have to bring work home, set a particular amount of time it will take you to complete, let your spouse know, and then when quitting time comes, quit! It is significant to separate the two parts of your life and keep you work at the job, and when at home, pay attention to your spouse and/or family.
Women are generally blessed with the gift of gab, making it easy, sometimes too easy, to talk to other people. Keep information shared to you by your spouse in 100% confidence.
Unless they have told you of a crime they have committed, they are confiding in you and placing full trust in your relationship. All it takes is one time of spilling private information for the whole relationship to suffer.
As you can see, relationships take work. Nevertheless, couples can have a strong, lifelong relationship with the right attitude, a lot of hard work, and some unique ideas on how to make is successful.