Posted on Feb 23, 2007 | Comments 0
Start Over your Relationship
Everything is new and exciting when couples first get together. They ignore the little irritating things the other person does.
However, the nagging starts after time, instead of hearing, â€œYou look gorgeous,â€ they might hear â€œWhy are you wearing that shirt?â€
If this sounds familiar in your relationship, then firstly, the two of you need to sit down and be truthful that things have changed.
Try to find out the things you both did in the initial stages of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place.
Then together, make a commitment to start over. The reality is that, both of you will have to work on this.
It will not automatically be easy but it is possible. Begin with forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation.
Concentrate only on the special things your spouse does and relearn to put the insignificant things aside. It will take some time so remain patient.
Schedule Time for Your Spouse
It is a crucial thing to spend quality time together. This time can be with friends, dining out, cuddling together while watching a favorite movie, or attending a sporting event.
Here the activity is not significant but the truth that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy.
It can be difficult to find time for your spouse in present dayâ€™s extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on.
Similar to scheduling a meeting on your calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time with each other. Once the plan is set, do not back out unless and until there is some life and death emergency.
The Power of Touch
When a child is sick, doctors will tell you that it is proven that the child quickly recover from the crisis with just a simple, loving touch of a parent. It is the same for relationships.
You can make a huge difference in how your spouse responds to you by just playing with your spouseâ€™s hair, a soft kiss on the neck, rubbing their hand, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub.
When was the last time you walked up to your spouse and affectionately placed a kiss on his or her neck without any reason and without saying a word? This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way.
There is a difference. The next time when both of you are sitting in your car, or standing in line at the theater, or at the grocery story, then quietly reach over and take their hand. Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time.
If you and your spouse have scheduled some time for a Friday night dinner, rather put together a surprise. For instance, if your spouse loves concerts then purchase the tickets in ahead, and even try to get the best seats possible or if your spouse likes professional wrestling, buy some tickets near the front.
When Friday night comes around, insist on driving, and head toward the location where the event is taking place. When asked where you are going, simply answer, â€œI have a surprise for you.
â€œI know we had planned on going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something special. I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert,â€ or I know you like professional wrestling so I purchased two great seats for tonightâ€™s performance.â€
The idea of you getting the tickets for something your spouse like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart!
Just as spending quality time with each other is important, it is equally important to give each other time to do something they like.
If your spouse loves fishing but you have no desire to bait a hook with little, slimy worms, or if you like to go to the casino but your spouse would rather do something else, then there is need to encourage each other to take time apart.
If possible, try establishing a set time for this very purpose. For instance, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night is â€œsinglesâ€ night. This is not a time to date other people, but to enjoy preferred activities.
Keep in mind that you have to place trust in your relationship. If you try this and then drill them, to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed.
Avoid the subjects that have proven differences in opinion bet you and your spouse. As an instance, if you are a Republican and your spouse is a Democrat, politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you recognize new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started.
If you are married, particularly with children, break out of the habit of talking about nothing. Many times, families will be sitting around the dinner table and the conversation consists of, â€œI wonder what is on TV tonight?â€ or â€œDo you like your carrots?â€
In its place, try to talk you some real questions, showing real interest. Replace the normal, â€œHow was your day today at work?â€ with â€œTell me what you did at work today.â€ Listen with interest, even if you do not understand everything what your spouse said. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your spouseâ€™s life.
Re-establish Old Traditions
If you and your spouse had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met at the local pub for a drink after work on Friday; every Saturday morning washed your cars together, or attended church together on Sunday. Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition.
One of the common responses you will hear when you ask couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, is that everything in the relationship is so predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom.
If you usually hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your spouse sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch, or if your spouse spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it.
While you are taking a walk with your spouse, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, â€œI love you,â€ and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected.
Over and over again Things trend to get serious when couples have gone through or are going through some obstacles in their relationship. It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say.
Irrespective of the cause, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your spouse makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically reduce the tension.