Posted on Apr 11, 2007 | Comments 0
Acceptance Towards A Better Communication
Accepting our differences is the first step toward a better communication. Different doesn’t mean wrong.
Men are inclined to define themselves by means of their achievements. They like to handle things on their own.
So at work, if a woman suggests to a man that he could use some help, he may think she believes he is unqualified or, worse, incompetent.
Women define who they are mostly through the connectedness of their relationships and through feelings. If you repeal the above situation, the woman would not as likely take offense at the suggestion.
Much of our business communication is relied upon the understanding of the male and female listener. Words are only as useful as the way they are heard and understood.
Learning The Rules of Communication
The second step is to learn the rules of communication. We have rules for almost everything we do. When we engage in sports, we play by the rules; when we drive, we follow the rules of safe driving, when we play games, we play in relation to the rules. Learn the rules that men follow when they communicate.
By means of seeking to understand the rules, women also unconsciously follow for successful communication.
For communication between men and women to be effective, we must be familiar with the differences between male and female communication styles. Men and women, at home or in the workplace, whether speaking or listening, use communication methods designed to meet their primary communication requirements.
Men need to feel accepted, to feel admired, to feel appreciated, to feel approved of, and to feel trusted. Conversely, women need to feel validated, to feel respected, to feel understood, to feel reassured, and to feel cared about.
Rough Language by Young Boys and Women
When young boys swear and use tough language, their behavior is often tolerated as normal for their age. We imagine that they are trying to act big.
Grown men spice up their vocabulary with occasional vulgarity and it is mostly acceptable. On the other hand, female actions are expected to be more controlled than their male counterparts are.
This directly influences the communication skills of both females and males. At work, we often find ourselves at cross purposes.
But, whether male/female differences develop from genetic makeup, influence from parents, or cultural conditioning by society, and the fact is that we are different. We act differently.
We speak differently. Men often believe a direct, forceful manner of communicating, while women naturally acquire a quieter, more tentative, questioning approach. The result of these differing uses of language often causes misunderstandings.
The only way that we can begin to close the communication gap is by accepting and validating these male and female dissimilarities.
How To Share Feelings With a Man?
When sharing feelings with a man, let him know you are not trying to tell him what to do. Don’t ask him too many questions or he may feel you are prying, or trying to change him. He will either become defensive or agree with you for the moment to pacify you.
Pausing – A practical Application in Gender Communication
In gender communication, pausing is a practical and useful application. This gives the listener the opportunity to think about the speaker’s primary needs before responding.
This is particularly useful when a female asks a male for support or a favor. Allow the male to work through his resistance. As long as you remain silent, you stand a good chance of getting what you asked for.
Tendency With Women
Women have a tendency to break the silence with comments like, “Oh, never mind,” or “It’s not that important,” or “Don’t bother.” Women also have an inclination to ask tag questions, with qualifiers. This makes their statements less powerful and realistic.
In order to get their point across, men often talk over women, or speak louder. This makes women feel unequally matched. Worse, it can be interpreted by women as a means of control. The soft spoken more tentative style frequently found in women can be wrongly interpreted as being uninformed or unsure.
Posted in: Communication Skills