Sure, everybody gets angry once in a while, but most people know how to deal with their anger.
Their anger tells them something is wrong. Then they figure out what is bothering them.
They do something to change the bad situation. They check to find out how well their action worked.
If what they did or said didnâ€™t work, they think about it some more and try something else.
If the action worked, they let go of their anger so they can get on with their life. Two types of angers trigger your anger. One is normal anger and the other is problem anger (Anger Triggers).
Hereâ€™s how the normal anger chain works. Normal anger tells a person:
- That they have a problem,
- That they need to think about,
- And then say or do something,
- And then check out the results,
- And then change what they do (if the first thing failed),
- Or let go of their anger (if it worked).
The angry person sees things much differently. Problem anger tells a person:
- That everything is a problem,
- That they constantly think about,
- And then they come on too fast and too strong with what they say and do,
- Then they ignore the bad results,
- So they fail to change their actions,
- And wonâ€™t let go of their anger.
Most overly angry people are also overly sensitive. They are too easily hurt, thin-skinned, and quick to feel insulted. One result is that they get angry all the time over things other people would ignore.
We all get tons of anger invitations every day. An anger invitation is anything that we could use as an excuse to get mad. For example:
- The driver who cuts in front of you
- The too-hot coffee or too-cold soda drink
- Your partner saying, â€œNot tonight, dearâ€
- A child who keeps playing when itâ€™s dinner time
- The lawn that keeps growing
- Someone at work who leaves early and often
- Just about everything else people say and do.
Most people learn early in life to ignore most anger invitations because anger is actually a lot of work. It can really wear a person out. If a person gets mad at everything, thatâ€™s all they will feel. There wonâ€™t be room for anything else.
People who are consistently angry have never met an anger invitation they did not like. They say â€œyesâ€ to way too many of them.
Your partner turns you down. Great! That gives you a chance to complain for hours. Shake your fist at that inconsiderate driver! Yell at the kids! Tell off that guy at work once and for all! All of these give you an excuse to be angry.
Always Thinking About What Makes You Angry
To think and think and think about something is called obsession. Angry people become obsessed with what they are upset about. They think about the harm thatâ€™s been done, how troubled they are about it, how they can get back at the person who hurt them, and on and on.
The more you think about what makes you angry, the angrier you get.
A person can spend hours dwelling on their anger, but theyâ€™ll only end up more upset. Remember, anger leads to more anger.