Posted on Sep 13, 2007 | Comments 0
Let us find out how our actions refer to anything we do with your hands, feet, and mouth; how we respond to the thoughts, memories, physical sensations, and feelings dished out by our body and mind.
Letâ€™s say you feel hurt. Then you act on it; perhaps you lash out with blame and accusations, or you shut down by withdrawing. These are both actions.
Alternatively, you might do nothing about the hurt and simply notice it for what it is (not for what your mind says it is).
You focus on doing things in your life that matter to you, even if that means taking the hurt along for the ride. Either way, youâ€™re doing something.
But your choice of actions, in a very real sense, helps define who you are and what your life will be about.
When control works?
Control works very well when you apply it to your actions.
- For example, if you want to clean up your yard, you can go and get a rake and get started.
- If you want to perform an act of kindness, you can do something nice for someone.
- If you want to change the color of the walls in a room in your house, you can paint them.
- You can exercise regularly and watch what you eat and drink to promote your health and well-being.
- The common element in these life examples is this: They all involve actions – what you do with your hands, feet, and mouth. Other people can see what you do and hear what you say. This is a critical point in terms of your anger.
By now, you know how tough it is to control the feeling of anger. You may also have trouble controlling anger behavior. Impulses to act are strong, and itâ€™s easy to feel overwhelmed by them. But even an impulse to act is still a feeling.
There is a split second between the impulse and the action when you can intervene, determining what youâ€™re going to do and how youâ€™re going to respond.
You can step back and ask yourself, â€œIs it really necessary to act on this emotion?â€ You have control in this moment, no matter how powerful the anger feelings, hurt, and impulses to act. [Relationship between Anger and Emotions]
Anger feelings versus anger behavior:
- Ask yourself what has cost you more, your anger feelings or your anger behavior. It is very likely your angry behavior has cost you far more than your anger feelings.
- Nobody else knows what you truly think and feel inside.
- Your anger only manifests itself to others through what you do with your hands, feet, and mouth.
- Youâ€™ve paid for your actions, not your thoughts or feelings.
- Your actions are what have gotten you into trouble. This is where you need to take charge and make changes.
Controlling Your Destiny:
Controlling your destiny is the real reward. The overall effect of your choices and your actions will determine what your life will become – in other words, your destiny.
This does not mean that the outcome of your choices and your actions will always be what you desire; remember, you canâ€™t control what others do, think, and feel.
There are many events in life, both good and bad, that occur outside your control. What most people hope for is that the cumulative effect of their choices and actions will yield a sense that their life was well lived. Everything you do from here on out adds up to that. Choice is destiny.
Posted in: Anger Management