Archive for January, 2007

When you forgive too easily, you’re likely to be the master of extenuating situations, dredging up whatever you can about the offender’s injured past as evidence that his behavior toward you is no fault of his own.

“He was victimized by circumstances he didn’t deserve or control, so how can I hold him responsible for what he did to me?” you tell yourself, ignoring the fact that, though life may have loaded the gun, someone pulled the trigger.

When you dwell on the fact that he inherited a genetic predisposition to alcohol, say, or was born with a physical disability, you fail to see that biology is not always destiny.

By writing off his injurious behavior, you free him from any obligation to treat you with the same respect he’s likely to expect of you. Excusing a persons behavior because of his personal damage is pseudo-forgiveness.

So is over-identifying with him, and reasoning, “We’re all wounded. We’re all sinners who need to be forgiven. We’re all products of our upbringing. No one has it easy. Everyone has a story to tell. Who am I to judge?”